Six Months In

Maybe I Have Some Idea of What I’m Doing

Six months in and I have not written much about what it means to go from an individual contributor (IC) to an Engineering Manager. Likely, because I don’t know that I really know.

I mean, I am an Engineering Manager. I have people that report to me. I hold weekly 1:1s with them. I help them when asked. I do my best to lead them to a path of figuring out the answers on their own, rather than giving them the solution.

I work to smooth inefficiencies and ensure a collaborative environment. I’ve had to manage the letting go of two contractors due to budget cuts. I led the interviewing of candidates for an open position until that position was put on hold due to the aforementioned budget cuts. I’ve worked with my team to review and revise their yearly goals that were authored before I (re)joined the team.

I’ve discussed my struggles and challenges with managing people with my manager and implemented his advice. I’ve advocated for my team with the head of the department when they thought improvements could be made. I’ve increased the velocity of the team. I’ve received positive feedback from my team.

I’ve explicitly defined expectations and responsibilities for my team and work with them to ensure that they are meeting those expectations. I’ve discussed career goals with my team and worked with them individually to ensure they are on a path to achieve those goals. I even wrote a Manager README. And I still get to write a bunch of code.

These are all things that Engineering Managers do. I’ve done them. I’m doing them. I will continue to do them. But I still don’t know that I know what I’m doing.

I still struggle to have the hard conversations around performance. I hate that I have to remind them every couple of months to participate in meetings with their cameras on so that I’m not talking to a bunch of avatars. I get annoyed when they don’t follow the protocol of the organization when they need to run out for a bit in the middle of the day. I get frustrated when they don’t respond to my messages in a timely manner.

I find that my expectations of individuals are not always aligned with their experience and skill sets. I worry that I come off as a complainer when I discuss the challenges of dealing with decisions made by my manager when he managed my team. And I worry that I’m not doing enough to help my team grow. I’ve been an IC for 10+ years, so I’m quite used to immediate feedback on my work. Growth is gradual and it’s harder to see when you’re focusing on it at the daily level.

So do I think I know what I’m doing? I don’t know. But I’m still enjoying the challenge and I’m still learning. And I’m still writing code. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing and learning from those that came before me and maybe one day I’ll feel like I do know what I’m doing.